The house is quiet and I am still awake. In the span of four days, my blogging dreams were shattered, empowered, inspired…. a vicious cycle that began with bidding good-bye to a family I hadn’t seen in six months only to say hello to 4500+ people I had never met. My mind is still reeling, and I find that if the words don’t come, neither will sleep.
BlogHer’12 was everything and yet nothing like I could have prepared myself for… seeing people I had built up in my mind to be Godlike, those who I had discounted based on my own inability to see the beauty in their posts, and new faces to follow. I walked around for a long time completely unable to grasp the purpose, the direction of where my space may take me. To not know where to start, what to see, what to avoid…. having little insight into where I wanted this space to go, become, BE. Those were the true downfalls of my experiences, which weight heavily me knowing what I gave up to see, learn, and understand.
I rode this roller coaster of emotion on little sleep, much anxieties, far too little food… and far too many “drink” tickets. When it was all said and done, I came home to a boy who looked just a bit taller, a bit more verbal, and a lot more attached to his momma. I hugged my mother who really did miss my face. I kissed and drank in the smell of my husband’s skin, the way my boy’s shortened hair felt, and embraced the rhythm of the familiar. And besides all that, I learned, I mourned, I cried, and I drank the BlogHer juice that so many others before me have indulged in. Chicago seems likes tomorrow in my eyes.
So today marked a new day. I skipped the posts in my reader that didn’t inspire me to click, added ones that did…. thought about what mattered more, mattered just a bit less, and those that won’t ever be worth a blink. I fulfilled a bit of my bucket list.… thought about myself less and about the world at large more….. and like that, clarity.
So where do we go from here? Less fluff. It’s Monday and there will be no “Wellness Matters Monday” for a while. There will be more insights into understanding the cultural divide of moving to a new country and far less about how I can further myself. I am prepared to allow myself to embark on this journey.
I know this sounds cryptic, and I understand. So let me clear my throat (Some pun intended). In watching people fill their swag bags, look down on others, ignore, or disregard one another….. I found myself wanting more. It has to be more than just tweeting hashtags and I heart Paris giveaways. I took a chance and found light in the idea that blogging can be more than just.about.me….. my life, my worries, and more about spreading awareness, love, compassion, understanding. It became less about getting a free pair of jeans and more about the personal connection, the chance to really use this space to project a voice that I am proud of. To project causes that are near and dear to my heart. There will be funny posts, picture posts, but also something more.
To those of you who I know also made the connection, thank you, thank you, thank you. You made this experience one that I can never forget.